I believe that the  highest institution of learning anywhere is the university of tough times! The worst times are the best teachers and the instruction is intense. There is no better way to learn  life’s lessons than learning through experience. Life is hard but those lessons are rich.  We are shaped, not by what comes easiest to us, but by what we are able to tolerate and manage through.  Pain is a great motivator!  Life is the ultimate lesson plan!

Tough Times University is my story and your story.  It’s all about the worst times of our lives and how we came through those times  and more importantly what we learned and what we are able to give to others because of our experiences and where we have been.  My hope is that my story is of value to others and that other stories may be told here as well.

MY STORY

My parents always wanted to have a boy.  I can’t blame them, they had 4 daughters and the dream was for a son to carry on the name and of course, become the light of their lives and that was fine with all of us girls.  We wanted that brother, too!  My mom actually conceived a son, we were all so happy when he was born but he lived only a short time.  He died of a heart problem and that devastated everyone!

Then, a while later, another boy came into the family, you can imagine how happy we all were!  Mom was excited and felt blessed to see her and dad’s dream come true!  It was great!

Mom was nursing the new guy when she discovered a lump in her right breast.  She had to undergo a massive and disfiguring mastectomy followed by harsh radiation treatments that burned the tender area where the breast was removed.  She suffered from palsy on the right side that caused her beautiful face to sag and her mouth to refuse to clearly form her words, after effects we think.  There was a hysterectomy to follow as the calcium in her body seemed to be leaching out somewhere in the reproductive system and it was thought that this would help to make her weak body stronger.

When my little baby brother was just 2 years old, mom died of breast cancer.

I was 13 years old,  she was only 34.   I was the second of 5 children and 4 of us were still children when we lost our mom. I was the oldest now, my sisters who were still home were 11 and 8 and we were lost.  Our lives changed and we changed.  Childhood was no more, we learned to take care of each other and dad as best we knew how.  We had very little help from relatives and people on the outside of our small grieving circle.  I know now that others were suffering from the loss of my mother but at the time, it did not seem as though there was much in the way of sympathy or support.

Mom passed a few days before Mother’s Day and her funeral was on Saturday.  One of the hardest things for me was church on Sunday, when we walked in to service as four motherless children.  There was no mother to celebrate on Mother’s Day.

It has taken me 30 years to get to the point where I can write about this or think about it without crying and experiencing that pain over again.  Time does heal all wounds.  My heart goes out to those who have lost a parent to cancer at a young age.  There is so much I don’t know about my mother.  I don’t know her favorite color or what kinds of thing she enjoyed doing.  It seems that all I can remember is kids, always kids.  Too many to get quality time with her, too much needed to be done.  In the two years of illness before she died we were sort of operating on what we could do for ourselves and how best we could stay out of the way.  She seemed to suffer a great deal and we were too young to understand what was really happening.

None of us kids ever knew how serious her illness was and my father, to his credit, kept the one year life expectancy date to himself.  We did not understand that our time with her would be shortened.  We could not have endured that pain, that knowing.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer 20 years ago.  I am still here.  I believe that my life was spared and I was able to overcome the disease because I have something to give back in all that I have learned.  My life reflects my belief that one must fight and never stop when faced with tragedy.

I also lost an infant son of my own, the cause, respiratory failure  of some type and that was never really made clear to me.  My Christopher Michael only lived 18 hours, then he was gone.  His life changed mine.

I came to understand death at a young age.  I have great difficulty with hospitals and medical procedures, etc.  So much of my time, as a young child, was spent in hospital waiting rooms and out in the courtyards, looking up at a window where my mother would appear for a brief few moments and waive to us below.  She would throw us a kiss or two and be gone again.

(My Story….to be continued)

 FOCUS is everything!           F=forming the vision

                                                       O=occupying the space

                                                       C=clarifying the details

                                                       U=using the potential

                                                       S=standing on the results

The vision is yours, it’s what you have always wanted.  When you have the dream you need to occupy the space and that means step into the dream.  See it happen, feel the emotion, experience the reality!  While you are working on the vision you have the opportunity to clarify the details to perfect the reality.  Use the potential that only you have, your gift and  your talent is what makes the difference because there is no one like you.  And then, stand on the results!  Celebrate the achievement of small accomplishments and the excitement of making life the way you have always believed it should be for you and your family.  No one has to remain the same.  Reinvent yourself!  See yourself in a new light and live the new vision to the fullest.  Why be ordinary when you can be excellent?

The Entrepreneurs Prayer

By Rick Beneteau – used with permission

As I awaken with the gift of yet another day and prepare for the tasks at hand, I offer up this most ardent prayer:

I pray for continued clarity of purpose so that I may hold my vision steady and keep my focus on the needs and success of others, which in turn shall bring me my success.

I pray for the wisdom to expect abundance in my life, that it surrounds me and is available for the taking and to be shameless and unapologetic upon its receipt, for I deserve abundance.

I pray for a cheerful countenance, be it clear or cloudy skies and that I may radiate and infect others with my positive attitude.

I pray for the trust of others that they may recognize my sincerity and true intentions so that we may move forward together.

I pray for the strength to fend off adversity and use my desire and determination as both weapon and shield.

I pray for the courage to carry forth my convictions during the battle of business and to resist temptation to a quicker monetary result when such temptation compromises these things for which I stand.

I pray that I may be used as a lightning rod to collect the amazing ideas already present in the universe and when blessed with such inspiration, that I may be able to apply my talents and abilities to turn the power of thought into measurable advancement of my goals.

I pray to retain my childhood wonder so that I can recognize and revel in the small miracles of each day that others may miss.

I pray for an infinite supply of self-confidence for it alone fortifies faith, strengthens my resolve and conquers the largest enemy I will ever face – fear.

I pray for a compassionate spirit and the patience to offer those who seek my advice and my help, my full and undivided attention.

I pray for good health and a feeling of well being, and the continued desire to improve those areas of my physical life I may be neglecting in the name of my spiritual and entrepreneurial advancement.

I pray that today is a day of excellence and at its conclusion I can acknowledge and be grateful for the forward motion I have made and the growth I have experienced.

I pray most of all for the understanding and support of those closest to my heart, my family, that they will equate what may seem like endless hours of apparent pre-occupation with affairs of business to what is at the very core of my being, that which drives me, for once I achieve what I have set out in its fullest, I will become that more complete being I strive to be.

It is for these things that I pray, for I am an entrepreneur.

© Rick Beneteau

Sometimes people need to be pushed to the brink before they realize that this life belongs to them, not to the demands and desires of others.  If you have a life-threatening illness, you’re on that brink.  If you learn that this is your life, you can more easily take a few steps toward de-brinking yourself.

Try saying this out loud:  “I don’t have to do anything.”  Say it a few times.  Feel the sense of release, of freedom, or unburdening?

You can add to it:  “And what I choose to do, I can do.”

Take control of your life and actions.  Be responsible for your decisions and claim the positive outcomes.  Give yourself credit for doing it right and keep on going!

(Roger and McWilliams)

It is necessary to look at the cost of losing what really matters.  Is it worth the pain that it is causing both parties?  In the scheme of things, down the road, will it be relevant?

People need to be loved and respected.  We all make mistakes, none of us are innocent and perfect in our behavior all the time, let’s face it!

Life is short!  Get things right with the people you love and never suffer from regret.

The soldier stood and faced his God

Which must always come to pass…
He hoped his shoes were shining
Just as brightly as his brass.

“Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?”

The soldier squared his shoulders and Said,
“No, Lord, I guess I ain’t…
Because those of us who carry guns
Can’t always be a saint.

I’ve had to work most Sundays
And at times my talk was tough,
And sometimes I’ve been violent,
Because the streets are awfully tough.

But, I never took a penny
That wasn’t mine to keep…
Though I worked a lot of overtime
When the bills got just too steep,

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear,
And sometimes, God forgive me,
I’ve wept unmanly tears.

I know I don’t deserve a place
Among the people here…
They never wanted me around
Except to calm their fears.

If you’ve a place for me here,
Lord, It needn’t be so grand,
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don’t, I’ll understand.”

There was a silence all around the throne
Where the saints had often trod…
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God,

“Step forward now you soldier,
You’ve done your work well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven’s streets,
You’ve done your time in Hell.”

Thanks to all of our nation’s veterans!

People who are working for someone else always believe that if they could just start their own business and do it their way, everything would be great!  It takes strength and belief to continue on when you have the “feeling” that it’s just not the right place for you.  The job you do daily feels like child’s play, you know exactly what to do and how to do it and how to make it look as though it takes so much out of you!   Some people think that if they can suffer enough in front of the powers that be they will be rewarded for their intense labor and effort.  Is it a challenge to find fulfillment in what is familiar to you?  When did you decide to just get by?

What if you approached your position as though someone is planning to take it away from you and give it to  another who can do it better?  Is it possible that would give more ?  More focus?  More attention to detail?  More of yourself so that your stamp is on the work as someone who cares?  What if you became known for the integrity you place on your responsibility?  What if you did your very best every single day, no matter who is or is not watching?  Challenge?

You will be noticed because you put out the most effort and because you persevere when others stop.  What you give will ultimately be returned to you.  You will become irreplaceable.

Set a time frame for yourself, decide to try this concept for six months!  I challenge you to challenge yourself!  Energize your life with desire to test your ability .  Focus on being great.  Imagine yourself as the employer and not the employee.  Who would you have working for you?  Would you qualify for the job you are doing right now?

Challenge? or Child’s Play?

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot, and ground coffee beans in the third pot. He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter.

The daughter moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes, he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her, he asked, “Daughter, what do you see?”

“Potatoes, eggs, and coffee,” she hastily replied.

“Look closer,” he said, “and touch the potatoes.” She did and noted that they were soft.

He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.

“Father, what does this mean?” she asked.

He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs, and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity, the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently.

The potato went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but in boiling water it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.

However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

“Which are you?” he asked his daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?” In life, things happen around us and things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.

~author unknown

When:  Saturday, Oct. 29 from 10:00 a.m. to noon
Where:  New Connections Community Church
134 S. Columbus St., Lancaster, OH 43130
Cost: $20.00

  (Preregister and receive a gift certificate for 1 free coaching session.)

The Value of the Gift

What I love about life is that you never know what to expect!  Though it may seem that one should always be looking on the bright side that is not always the case!  We as humans, usually expect little from the kindness of others and we do not naturally operate as givers.   Most of us have to be deliberate about what we give and awareness of our gifts is important.  We don’t always know the value of what we have to offer;  a complement, a smile, an encouraging word  or just remembering someone’s name when we greet them.  Having been on the receiving end of the unexpected, I marvel every time a favor of God pops out in my day!  You never know what wonderful experiences or opportunities are going to come your way but if you look for the good in everything and operate as a receiver of the best there is in life, you will get what you expect to get!  I challenge you to give what you would like to receive!

You never know who you might be listening when you are talking  in a group or what blessing might be bestowed through  a seemingly unimportant action.   Be available, be accessible!   Be optimistic and get out there!  Let someone find you and impact a life today!  You just never know!